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> Monday, October 15th, 2007 > Distorter > Tills hits up cyber world, Bay Street with new facebook page
Tills hits up cyber world, Bay Street with new facebook page
Click here to read more Interrobang articles written by Sean Christopher
Published: Monday, October 15th, 2007
In an announcement that has far reaching implications for not only her 388 closest friends, but on the global economy as a whole, first year Fashion Merchandising student Jenny Tills declared that she is set to launch the newest version of her Facebook profile later this month.
A press release sent out by Tills touted some of the newest features of her Facebook profile, including the “Bumper Sticker” and “What’s Your Stripper Name?” applications, the addition of 18 new friends, membership in the “Dane Cook Biggest Fans” group, and a photo album titled “Out with my girls at Jack’s.”
In a case of addition by subtraction, Jenny announced she will be removing the “O.C. Quotes” application, as Tills said that show is “like so 2004”.
Analysts are most excited about the new “Am I hot or not” poll that will be featured on Tills’ page. “Listen, I didn’t put up all those thong and bikini shots for my own amusement, or that of my friend’s either. Those are up there so people can make an informed decision of whether I am indeed hot, or not” explained Tills.
After the announcement was made, the TSX rose 80 points. Hugh Cobbs of MoneyWise magazine said more of the same is expected after the launch.
“Ms. Tills has proven to be a reliable brand”, professed Cobbs. “She continually puts out a superior product, so investors feel safe with her. Plus they totally like sending her teddy bears with her free gift application”.
Not everyone is excited about Tills’ announcement. Her biggest competitor and fellow Fanshawe student Mona Lott does not see what all the fuss is about.
“Jenny Tills - don’t make me LOL”, said Lott. “I may only have 364 friends, but I’m much closer to each and every one of them than she is with her so called friends. And did you see how chubby her cheeks looked in her “Night out in L-town” photo album? I was totally LMAO at that one.”
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.