|Home | About Us | Contact Us | Advertising | www.fsu.ca|
|Tuesday, May 21st, 2013|
> Monday, October 15th, 2007 > Distorter > Sticker proves to be tart Montana
Sticker proves to be tart Montana
Click here to read more Interrobang articles written by Tony Vancouver
Published: Monday, October 15th, 2007
An undercover Distorter Media sting operation on FSU publications manager John Said has revealed that a sticker on his prized notebook is that of teen pop tart Hannah Montana.
Distorter Media became suspicious of Said and his notebook as he constantly tried to hide the notebook in the presence of others, going to great lengths to stash it under a stack of magazines in his office. While Said claims that the notebook is used to keep track of scoring in a fantasy football league he is a part of, we were unable to substantiate his claims.
A young person contacted at the Said household confirmed Distorter Media suspicions that Said is a closet Hannah Montana fan.
“Yeah, he’s been in the TV room while I’ve been channel surfing kids shows and he always tells me to hold it once I get to her show,” said the kid on the phone. “I tell him I don’t want to watch that show and he says hold on all the time.
“Once he said he’ll be in the basement working on the computer and watching football, then I went down there and while he was sitting at the computer he had turned the chair around to watch TV and he was watching “Hannah Montana”. He also likes watching “Lizzie McGuire”. Hilary Duff sucks.”
Pressed for further information the kid on the phone revealed that his dad had downloaded some Hannah Montana tunes onto an iPod his dad shares with his mother, but he had to delete them.
“I can’t repeat what my mother said to him when those songs came up on the iPod, but she wasn’t happy with him.
“Then this one time he had this cd and it was like of Hilary Duff, yeah. He told us it was Darcy’s from work and she told him to give it a listen. Then he said Darcy had a poster of (Duff) on her door and she went to see (Duff’s) movie and Darcy cried at the end and it was like, Dad your lame.”
Distorter Media also contacted Columbia Records to see if any Hannah Montana or Hilary Duff cds had been sent discreetly to Said recently, but none had. Columbia Records did reveal that Said had been a Columbia Records member in the late 1980s and early 1990s and that in 1992 Billy Ray Cyrus’ disc, Some Gave All with the hit single Achy Breaky Heart was shipped to Said and never returned, though he had a pattern of returning discs that he had not ordered as part of Columbia’s send it out and hope it’s not returned policy. Cyrus is the father of Hannah Montana (aka Miley Cyrus) that adds additional fuel to the bizarre Hannah Montana Said fetish connection.
A longtime friend of Said revealed that in part because of Cyrus looking so cool back in 1992 that Said attempted to learn how to line dance and grew a mullet, but realized with a receding hairline he looked pathetic. “Like those guys who grow their hair long but are bald on top and it looks like he’s trying to say look at me I can still grow hair.”
When confronted with a mountain of evidence that suggested that he was in all probability the only middle aged male fan of Hannah Montana, Said continued to deny his fascination.
“I told you people, my youngest kid stuck that Hannah Montana sticker on my notebook and now I’ve got you guys following me around like the paparazzi,” said Said. “And what if I like Hannah Montana, would there be something wrong with that?”
Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is intentional and entirely hilarious. Proudly distorting the truth since 2005.