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> Monday, October 3rd, 2005 > Distorter > Too much turkey ruins tradition

Too much turkey ruins tradition

Jimmy Gobble
Distorter
Click here to read more Interrobang articles written by Jimmy Gobble

Published: Monday, October 3rd, 2005

Fanshawe College staff and students are suffering from indigestion, alleging college food service providers are conspiring to turn their stomachs with repetitive food choices.

Turkey Five straight turkey dinners prompted 800 students living in the college’s two residences to go on a hunger strike, refusing to swipe their meal plan cards. They were joined by other students and campus staff meal plan cardholders in demonstrations in front of various campus food providers.

Students and staff refused to eat Friday, arguing that meals such as turkey chili mac, turkey a la king, turkey stew, turkey burgers, French fries cooked in turkey fat and served with turkey gravy, turkey flavoured muffins and turkey sausage were unnecessarily cruel. The protesters cited that with Thanksgiving approaching, and the ensuing leftover care packages that campus food providers were conspiring to ruin the approaching long weekend.

“How can I go home and tell my mom I’m all turkeyed out?” lamented first year student Miasma Billow. “When school started I was so looking forward to this long weekend and going home, but now when I talk to my mom on the phone and she talks about the big turkey she’s planning on preparing I feel like hurling. This is really stressing me out.”

Other students were just as puzzled by the campus food providers meal planning strategy.

“It’s turkey all day all the time. I couldn’t even get away from it at breakfast,” said Carmen Magoria. “The last straw was when I went to order breakfast and they served me turkey eggs along with turkey links, with a Turkish coffee.”

Staffer Joe Pembelton, a notorious soup eater has been having a hard time holding down his favourite liquid lunch.

“The first day wasn’t so bad when they served up turkey noodle soup, and then the next day a cream of turkey soup,” recalled Pembelton, “but then three days of turkey gizzard soup is about all I can take. Please switch it up. It’s like the food service providers are trying to punish us with this menu.”

“Turkey, turkey and more turkey is not a form of punishment,” commented a spokesperson for the college food service providers.

Students and staffers apparently accepted this reasoning and gobbled up the campus wide dinner special, which happened to be spaghetti with a turkey-based meat sauce.

Disclaimer: Stories printed in the Fanshawe Distorter are in fact fictious. Any resemblance to persons real or dead is unintentional and entirely hilarious.

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